If single males highlight their conservative views on dating apps, a growing number of single women won’t swipe right. There’s a political gap growing between young men and women.
Sociologist Brad Wilcox and demographer Lyman Stone report young women in the U.S. are shifting significantly left politically, while young men are shifting to the right, though far less so.
Stone is a research fellow at the Institute for Family Studies. Wilcox, its Future of Freedom fellow, teaches sociology at the University of Virginia and directs the National Marriage Project there.
They recently wrote in The Atlantic that those shifting ideological trends pose real barriers to finding someone to date, impacting future family formation. Their research focused on opposite-sex couples and concluded that if they highly value political sameness as a crucial ingredient for cooking up a relationship, conservative men may not find a lot of conservative women. Liberal women may face the same challenge looking for liberal men.
The two are not alone in suggesting political opposites may not attract or that the ideology gap is striking.
Polls suggest a significant chunk of single Americans would be reluctant to date someone of a different political persuasion. The nationally representative American Family Survey, conducted last July by YouGov for the Deseret News and BYU, found just 7% of those in committed relationships or married said their partner had a different party affiliation. It was somewhat more common to be dating or married to someone of a different race or religion, at about 10% each.
The Deseret News also reported that 68% of unmarried women voted for Democrats in the last midterm elections, while 52% of unmarried men voted for Republicans, based on CNN exit polls.
Birth of a gender gap
Wilcox told the Deseret News the gender gap in politics started growing around 2014, driven at least in part by social media, smartphones and Donald Trump’s election. Politics since have become more radical, he said, primarily in terms of young women moving ideologically to the left.
“It’s obviously not everyone,” Wilcox said. “But for a lot of people, politics has become more important in the last decade.” He calls that “one more obstacle that stands in the way of dating and marriage.”
Wilcox said young adults who marry and have children are more likely to flourish than peers who don’t have family lives. Additionally, relationships are more apt to thrive when couples have roughly the same worldview on questions like politics, work and family, how many kids to have and religion.
“We do see that — for both people on the left and the right — marrying like-minded individuals is linked to better outcomes,” he said.
Wendy Wang, the institute’s director of research, has reported that conservative couples are the most likely to say they’re happy, then liberal couples, then those married across ideological party lines, Wilcox says.
A sampling of single voices
The Deseret News took a decidedly unscientific approach to finding out what daters think, asking some unattached young adults how much political symmetry determines who they date.
Political like-mindedness mattered a lot to some, but not so much to others. They differed on race and religion, too. A sampling of viewpoints:
Blaise Justice, 23, of Oklahoma City, sees lots of her peers getting married and she has no urge to do so yet. The University of Oklahoma graduate — with degrees in business management and marketing — doesn’t see herself as particularly political but she does care and pays attention.
She comes from a mixed political home. Her mom and dad have never been on the same page politically, at least in general terms. And while she’s open to considering someone with different views than hers, agreeing at least somewhat politically with someone she plans to spend a lot of time with matters, she says. She cares about how men view women and thinks one’s political leaning sometimes speaks to that. She’s also very concerned about how a potential mate speaks about other people who are different from him — “a huge thing for me.”
An appealing trait in a potential mate is willingness to listen to others and keep learning and growing.
Justice says she’s spiritual and has faith in God, but would not describe herself as very religious. While she’s open to a potential partner whose religious views aren’t a match, she would be turned off by someone who wanted to force those views on her. “For now, I am figuring out my own faith. … But I would like (a partner) to have some belief in something bigger than himself. And I would like to get married and have children, but I am still figuring out what that would look like,” she says.
She suspects her political views, which are generally more liberal than those of many of her peers, might make it hard to find a partner.
Emma Withers, 21, hails from West Branch, Michigan, and is at Brigham Young University studying to become a high school English teacher.
She describes herself as “in the middle on a lot of things” with lots to agree and disagree with on both sides of the political aisle. She says she’s probably a little more conservative than liberal.
Different politics would be fine “as long as it’s not pushy.” But she said there are some topics that would matter, simply because she’d find it hard to understand why someone feels differently than she does. It would depend on the person — and their approach to disagreeing, she adds. Hot-button topics like abortion or gun laws are more apt to be polarizing.
She’d prefer to date someone who is religiously inclined, though he wouldn’t have to share her religion. Growing up, there were few kids of her faith but she enjoyed dating anyway and getting to know more about other people’s beliefs.
Seth Berlin, 25, will be moving to San Francisco soon to work as a growth equity investor. He’s in a serious relationship. Berlin thinks their political views are very similar, both quite conservative — his views a reflection, he says, of his family and its self-reliant, roll-up-your-sleeves work ethic.
He served a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Sweden, where he saw both positive and negative aspects of the government’s and political system’s many socialist aspects. That “helped me grow in terms of perspective on how others see the world.” He also spent a summer in politically liberal New York City. “I am maybe more conservative than I used to be, but I am also more educated,” he says, noting he’s more apt than before to understand other views and why people push for different policies.
While politics matters some in a partner, he thinks it’s far more important to have a mate who shares spiritual beliefs. The religious component was a prerequisite to dating, he says.
Devin Wells, 25, now lives in Lawrence, Kansas, where he works in advertising. He divorced last year and is now in a relationship. Like many the Deseret News chatted with, he doesn’t slot neatly into a political ideology, instead describing himself as “socially liberal and fiscally conservative.”
Wells thinks two people who are dating should definitely have political conversations because that also shows other aspects of life. “Not everything boils down to a political opinion, but it shows the thought process,” he says.
Couples who don’t agree politically may pressure each other socially to conform — and others can add to that, says Wells. “In a new relationship, I am more purposeful about bringing up what I see going on in the world, political topics in general. Does she care about these things? Is she up to date? And if we married and have kids, what kind of values would we be instilling? It’s almost a get-to-know-you.”
He thinks people may be more willing to marry across religious than political lines because religion feels private, while political views are more social and people judge each other for them. “Politics are seen as purely you, so if you are not in political alignment, people feel like they can assess blame. You can’t really criticize someone’s religion.”
Samantha Corbridge, 26, is a Utah State University graduate who studied kinesiology and psychology before starting graduate school at the University of Utah to become an occupational therapist.
She describes herself as moderate, though in conservative Utah she says she’s viewed as being a bit left-leaning. She calls religion a “really meaningful part of my life.” But she wouldn’t entirely discount dating someone who is not a member of her religion. “I don’t think I would hold it against somebody if we shared the same values. It’s important, though, that they be open to me wanting to share that faith with future children.” That, she adds, could require a willingness to teach the kids about both religions.
Political differences would matter because the last few years have been so polarized, she says. “A prospective partner can be more liberal or conservative than me, but it’s important that we have the same ideas of where we can find truth and what is a reliable source.”
Corbridge says a relationship wouldn’t work if they can’t agree on where facts begin, like calling something made up when it wasn’t. But she recognizes that things can be slanted and it can be hard to tell. Wording in polls may change how someone answers. Researchers don’t always use valid methods.
Her parents didn’t always agree politically and sometimes joked their votes canceled each other out. They shared values, though, she says. “It’s also important to me that my partner and I are on the same page with showing compassion to others, including those who may think or live differently than us,” Corbridge said.
Corbridge wants a loving, healthy relationship and believes it may be tricky to find someone who shares some of her political beliefs while appreciating her love of her religion.
Rachael Berhan, 25, is doing a graphic design internship in Covington, Kentucky.
“I genuinely think I’m moderate,” she said, “but in some conservative circles, they would think I’m liberal.”
She says her most important issue is how people treat each other. “I am a woman of color, so discrimination in any minority community is of high concern to me. I think everyone should be super kind to everyone regardless and show respect.”
Berhan describes herself as “very religious,” emphasizing the very when she says it. “Religion is huge for me.”
In dating, she’d like to find someone who shares her religion and her core values. She also believes that her politics and those values are very aligned, but notes that if she met someone who wasn’t a member of her church, there’s “potential for that to work.”
She says she is trying to avoid males who make it a point to say they’re conservative on dating apps. She’s had “a lot of awkward, charged conversations with people who do not know what it’s like to be a person of color and haven’t thought about it.”
But if someone wasn’t pushy about political ideology, she’d “give dating a fair shot.”
Race is no deal-breaker; her mother is white and her father is Black. Their home has always been a safe and open place to talk about issues. “I don’t want to feel like I’m being racially dismissed,” she said, noting “uncomfortable racial situations create a lot of stress and I have only so much emotional energy to give.”
Mariana Ferreira, 21, was born in Brazil and her family moved to the United States when she was a child. She studies biology at Southern Utah University. She says she identifies as queer and leans more left than right, though “I don’t know if I associate with the Democratic Party.”
Her concerns center on human rights and she’d happily pay more taxes if it would strengthen the weave of the social safety net.
She does think politics could be a deal breaker in a romantic relationship, depending on the issue. “I can understand if someone doesn’t agree with economics. As long as that doesn’t border too much on the human rights part, as long as that person’s not showing racist tendencies and makes an effort to understand minorities, I think I can get over the economy part of people’s opinion,” she says. Other political differences could be harder to overcome.
“People defend their politics very aggressively,” she adds.
She would likely not date someone from a deeply conservative religion “unless they were open to not trying to convert me.”
Racial difference would not matter, Ferreira says.